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  • Writer's picturealan jukes

The Journey is the destination

My Journey and relationship with meditation began in 2010 following a difficult period in my life when my mother died. I initially used basic mindfulness strategies to manage the stress around this difficult event.

When beginning my practice I found this very difficult and quickly realised that my mind and thoughts were busier than I actually comprehended. I used techniques such as basic breathing and practical mindfulness strategies which enabled me to begin a practice which I found more achievable. Within the first year of my practice I had developed a well-established routine of around 30 minute’s daily meditation.

As I continued my journey with meditation I wanted to support others in developing their own practice and used this within my role as a mental health nurse support people with serious mental health difficulties. I completed an 8 week mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) course which through my interest in this, then began to co facilitate these groups to others.

I noticed at around years 3-4 of my meditation practice my daily routines started to waver and I found myself doing less and less practice. When I realised this, I remember my teacher on the MBSR course telling me that this may happen when people’s practices grow and deepened and to always bring curious compassion to wandering why this may occur. I found this very helpful taking this approach as initially I found myself judging which quickly turned into compassionate understanding.

Following this period, my practice deepened further and started to look at other forms of meditation such as visualisation, compassion, gratitude and pineal activation. I found these different aspects of meditation very helpful at first but realised that deepening your practice can result in an ‘opening’ which I wasn’t ready for or aware of at the time. I struggled for a few years with health anxiety and linked this to be being too open due to the pineal activation. I confided in family and friends and remember telling a friend about my difficulties and she advised me to keep going as this would get better with time and more understanding.

Through further practice I kept going and realised that I has a lot of trauma and unresolved memoires which was causing the health anxiety. I then had some very profound experiences within my practices which resulted in what I can only describe as an energetic release of stuck emotion and energy within my body.

I have further deepened my practice over the last 12 months following a major knee trauma. I had time off work and I used this opportunity to further deepen my understanding of myself through mediation. Some of my meditation sessions would last in excess of 3-4 hours which resulted in having some very profound emotional and spiritual awakenings.

A decade ago my practice started off in the management of stress and during this wonderful journey which continues, I have come to realise that meditation is a conduit to helping me discover who I really am and has helped so much in processing and letting go of things I held on to for so many years.

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